But grieving includes the entire emotional process of coping with a loss, and it can last a long time. The process involves many different emotions, actions, and expressions, all of which help a person come to terms with the loss of a loved one.
We may hear the time of grief being described as "n ormal grieving, " but this simply refers to a process anyone may go through, and none of us experiences grief the same way. And every loss is different. Mourning often goes along with grief.
While grief is a personal experience and process, mourning is how grief and loss are shown in public. Mourning may involve religious beliefs or rituals, and may be affected by our ethnic background and cultural customs. Grief and mourning happen during a period of time called bereavement. Bereavement refers to the time when a person experiences sadness after losing a loved one.
Since each person grieves differently, the length and intensity of the emotions people go through varies from person to person. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross, in her ground-breaking book, On Death and Dying, presented the hypothesis that all of us, when faced with death, loss or some other terrible fate, experience a series of stages as a response. While the stages should be interpreted loosely, and individual responses may vary, the stages of denial, anger , bargaining , depression and acceptance provide a general framework to heighten our understanding of those experiencing grief.
In almost every model presented, the first stage of grief is often demonstrated through denial. It is usually used as a defense that a person builds to cope with extreme loss. Denial is the refusal to accept the facts of the loss, either consciously or unconsciously. If dealing with death is personal, there is a refusal to take necessary steps to prepare for death, such as a will. If the grief is for someone else, the denial is prolonged by refusing to deal with the consequences of the death: visiting the gravesite, getting rid of personal belongings, or even filing necessary paperwork.
The feelings in this stage of denial often protect and help the individual from feeling too many emotions at one time. This stage gives the person a little time to adjust to the way things are now going to be. They will soon begin to focus on the events surrounding the loss , replaying again and again the story.
Dad kept busy and my brother and family lived near him. It was many years later that I walked into a psychology lecture where the teacher asked who loved and had a great relationship with their mother. I put my hand up and was amazed that only half the class did.
Then the lecture began on bereavement. To my amazement and that of my other student friends, the happy go lucky person I normally am, was in the throes of inconsolable sobbing. I was in the middle of the health visiting course with lots of experienced people around.
Because of the house move it had been easier to do. No-one ever bringing up her name in conversations or asking me how I was. I was always supportive of Dad on his visits to my home. We stayed in our caravan or with friends when we went North. I rarely went to my mother's home. It was all too easy to pretend it hadn't happened. The children can still remember her lovely piano playing. It was good to talk and think about her again and know I could do it with pleasure and not the pain.
It had all been too painful to contemplate at the time. It was difficult living 5 hours drive away with 2 young children. So it was all too easy to get stuck in denial and not go through the normal grieving process.
My advice is to get involved as much as possible with the funeral. Emails, texts and phones these days make it so much easier. I should have said my goodbyes in the house and cried again. There are times when it is best to allow yourself to grieve, and then you can move on.
It might even be worth trying a grief workbook or handbook. Perhaps if these had been around when my Mum died I might not have shut my feelings away so much. The following book comes highly recommended:.
Our Picks of the Best Books on Grief. Elizabeth Kubler Ross and the 5 Stages of Grief. Our professional staff has also compiled a comprehensive list of current grief support groups for Southeastern Wisconsin. Whether you yourself have experienced a loss, or someone close to you is grieving, reach out to us today, so we can help you find the support you need.
My Wife lost her father due to covid 19, after the burial she lost conscious and when ahe woke up the last thing she remembers is that her father is still in the hospital. More than a month had passed and she still believe he would get better. What should I do. Your email address will not be published.
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